The Left Behind Jar

First I must say I am very excited to be back blogging... thanks to some friends to motivate me...

     Today's gospel reading (if you heard the reading for the First Scrutiny) was the story of the woman at the well from John's Gospel.  It is one of my favorite gospel readings. Each time I have heard it, it has struck me in a different way. Yet again, in the midst of engagement, preparing for marriage and lots of life's little changes I heard God speak in a beautiful way again.

     John 4:5-42... Jesus sits at a well, tired. It's about noon. The gospel mentions the time for a reason. Women who go to the well normally go anytime outside of that time. Jesus knew what he was doing. He knew he would run into a person to heal. He sees a Samaritan woman. This Samaritan woman went to draw water at noon because she knew no other woman would be around to mock her for her past wrongdoings.  She didn't know what she was going to get into next.

     Jesus asks her for some water. She is taken aback by a Jew associating with a Samaritan. This was never done. Ever.  Instead of pointing out right away her wrongs (as she is doing to him), he counteracts by telling her, "If you knew the gift of God who is saying to you, 'Give me a drink,' you would have asked him and he would have given you living water.'" The woman continues to engage in this discussion. She is intrigued. Where does this water come from? You don't even have a bucket? Are you greater than those who gave us this well?

   Jesus replies, "Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again; but whoever drinks the water I shall give will never thirst; the water I shall give will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life." The woman is convinced. Yes! Please! Give me this water always! She realizes she no longer wants to carry this jar back and forth to and from the well. The funny thing Jesus doesn't give her the answer right away. It is in this moment, when she finally accepts the true living water, that He calls her to repentance.  He calls out her sin of her past five husbands and current situation. How many times do we try it the other way around? We see someone disobeying the Word of God, or being immoral and we want to just correct them? No. We must model Christ. Love the person. Meet them where they are at. Wait (and pray) for them to fully accept him. Or at least have seeds planted. Then lovingly call them out. Without the light of Christ, darkness is just that... darkness.

     In our daily lives we need water as well, obviously. Our bodies are made up of at least 70% of water. Physically, we cannot live without it. Spiritually, this is so as well.  Just as the woman engaged in a discussion with Jesus, we are called to do the same. Not just sit and listen, or sit and talk, but actually engage in discussion with our Heavenly Father. It is within this discussion that Jesus calls us into a deeper conversion.  The woman had her jars with her every day, bringing them back and forth with water. It was that water that never fully satisfied. When she finally received the living water, she left behind her jars and went and told everyone about this man
. Wasn't she worried if He wasn't the Christ? What if he was a phony? Doesn't she still need literal water for her body? What a total surrender and trust she had!

     It is this same surrender and trust we are being called to also. Meet Jesus at the well, as you are. What "jars" do you need to leave behind that you brought with you there? What is weighing you down, which you think is filling you up, but really is just false hope? Christ is there with you. Surrender.

The Dance with My Heavenly Father

Sunday, end of week 1…

It’s about 10:40pm.  I’m completely gross and haven’t showered in about 3 days because of a lack of water at this summer camp for special needs I am working at, but am still on cloud nine, in a place where five days ago I never thought I would be.  My camper whom I am taking care of this week is non-verbal and can be semi-aggressive.  She doesn’t care to participate in many, if any, activities and isn’t too hygienic.  Also since she isn’t verbal, you can imagine how difficult it was to figure out what she was trying to communicate when she threw her “fits.”  The beginning of the camp week was very difficult.  Not only because of who I was put with, but also because the camp seemed very disorganized.  I wanted to throw my own fits!

I knew there was a reason I was here and especially a reason I was paired with this camper.  Throughout the week, slowly but surely this camper I was paired with taught me something special.  I had prayed for God to show me that special gift. I didn’t want to give up so easily as I had done on things in the past.  About the 5^th day I had realized what it was: radiant joy.  Many times in life we need or look for a reason to be happy or joyful. My camper showed me that true joy doesn’t come from a reason; it comes from the core of our being.  Many of these campers, these developmentally disabled people are truly joyful not because of anything special that has happened but just because life has happened.  If anything, based on society’s views of happiness and joy, it should be ripped from them because of their circumstances: someone needs to be around them constantly, others need to see them naked while showering and changing, they probably won’t have a “real” job, the numerous medications they take which cause awful side effects, etc.  Yet, joy radiates from every fiber of their being.  And my camper, she has a smile that lights up the room and a laugh that catches everyone’s attention and is more contagious than a cold.

When today came, I never saw coming what came.  Thinking of Father’s Day and seeing people’s pictures of my friends as little girls dancing with their dads, well I must be honest, I was jealous.  I never had a good relationship with my dad.  So I was kind of bummed today.  Of course, my camper lifted my spirits 1000 times by the end of the day.  Tonight was the camp’s dance.  We got her all dressed up, fixed her hair up and she seemed very excited, showing it by her smile and noises she makes.  While waiting outside another provider and I tried showing her the playground to see if she would play.  It was a no go.  But then she held my hand which was a huge shock because she gets very tense at any sort of touch.  Then I tried holding her other hand asking, “Do you want to start dancing?” And I began making up some random song, “You’re so beautiful! Come dance with me!” and sure enough she began to sway with me holding both hands and laughing hysterically.  I couldn’t believe it!! She didn’t let go. She held both arms up in the air still holding on, interlacing fingers at this point, then lowering and still swaying and laughing more.  I’m kept singing and couldn’t believe my eyes.  Her wall had broken down. And mine also.

The whole week we were on the sidelines and everyone saw us as “stay away from them they are just hanging around doing nothing”, or “she doesn’t seem very fun she just sits there” but now my camper was the center of attention and she knew it because then she began to twirl me!! Twirl me over and over… and over until I literally almost fell over from dizziness.  I could not stop laughing.  Both of us couldn’t stop laughing.

At this point we needed to walk to the dance in the Rec room.  Even on the way there she kept twirling me.  It was my moment with heaven. I say that because the beginning of the week was SOOO difficult.  But if I didn’t go through those hard times I wouldn’t be able to appreciate this amazing moment of being twirled like a little girl… like a father would with her little girl. Something I’ve longed for in my life, to be twirled like a little girl by my father, God the Father did for me, and used as an instrument one whom He holds dearest to His heart. God loves me so much. 

The Christmas Hike

Christmas morning. Normally one would picture children waking up to presents, a happily married couple smiling with coffee in their hands happy about their perfect lives in front of them and the family looking out the window at a white blanket of snow. Then afterwards going to Christmas Mass and having a nice Christmas dinner with the whole family. What we sometimes fail to remember is not everyone has all of that. Some people are single, have lost family members, are unemployed with limited budgets, have grudges they are holding, etc.  In fact, I am one of those who can relate to some of these.

Most of my family lives is Massachusetts where I grew up. I now live in Arizona. So I don't get to go home for every holiday. I'm not asking for a pity party, it's just background info to the point of the story. Tomorrow is the one year anniversary of when my stepdad went into cardiac arrest and as a result went brain dead. Finally, New Years Eve is his actual passing. So this time of year is tough on our family. I wasn't in the mood to celebrate.  (Have I ruined your Christmas yet? Well keep reading until the end for the happy part!)  For some reason instead of hot chocolate, white snow (which we don't have in Phoenix) and friends, I wanted to go for a hike. And this was strange. I always say I like hiking but reality, I am SO out of shape! Especially since it's so cold in the morning!

So bright and early , well my version of bright and early, 7:30am I headed out! Up North Mountain. Not the best one in Phoenix but the closet to me. I didn't know why I was doing it. I thought, "Maybe I'm just getting away from everything. Maybe it's to get anger out. I don't know. All I do know is I have to go. " So I did. But my expectations were not met... They went further.!

As I began I thought oh no bad idea! The first five minutes was when I realized how bad of a shape I was in! But I needed to get to the top and see the sun over the mountain. It was my goal and I wanted to achieve it. No matter what it took. As I kept going I was shocked at how many other hikers there was on a day normally people spend with families. I thought, wow, I guess I'm not the only one. I kept hiking with my headphones on and my waterbottle in my hand.

Finally!! I realized the reason I was supposed to go hiking!: Jesus' Christmas gift to me, and it was a two-fer. First, I forgot it was Christmas, literally! I was just going for a hike and going to go to someone's house later who invited me to spend the day with them. But my "Christmas spirit" was not present.  I forgot about the cheer and joy.  As I was hiking, almost every person (at least 15-20) smiled and said "Good morning! Merry Christmas!" Just that small gesture for some reason meant so much.  It brought me into the Christmas spirit. Thank you Lord!  The second gift was when I reached the top. The amazing view of the sunrise. I just sat in the cold wind and soaked it in.  God gave this gorgeous gift for me to behold. His promise of His love for me.

Again I don't know if I was climbing to get energy out, or to spend time alone or if it was my weird way to try to reach Heaven where my family who passed away is. But what I do know is the heavens reached down to me.
Merry Christmas!

The Search

"What do you think? If a man has a hundred sheep, and one of them has gone astray, does he not leave the ninety-nine on the hills and go in search of the one that went astray?  And if he finds it, truly, I say to you, he rejoices over it more than over the ninety-nine that never went astray." Matthew 18:12-14

As I was driving back to my house to eat breakfast reflecting on this morning's Gospel reading and the homily, I heard an amazing story on the Christian radio station about a Latina woman up for a Nobel Peace Prize that deepened my reflection: ... and one of them has gone astray, does he not leave... and go in search of that one?

Susana Trimarco. A Latina woman. Ordinary mother out for an ordinary doctor appointment ten years ago with her ordinary 23-year-old daughter. Before she knew it her daughter was snatched away by sex-traffickers and Trimarco was to never see her again.  Her life was turned upside down. Many would just fall into despair and lose hope. Others would leave it to the police. But Trimarco saw not much was being done for her daughter and knew that her love was deep. She could not just stay and wait. She went to find her daughter.

Susana Trimarco, after realizing the police couldn't find any leads, took it upon herself to find her daughter. She teamed up with her husband and disguised themselves while going into the brothels of traffick rings. Trimarco spoke to news reporters of how difficult this has been because it was in those rings where she saw what they were doing to the girls.  Pictures floated through her mind about who was doing the same thing to her own daughter.  Yet, she didn't just stop at the search for her daughter. This is where the amazingness comes in. She became an instrument of peace to Latin America, and this is how...

Susana Trimarco began rescuing women in those brothels. She has rescued hundreds of them during the search of her daughter.  I can't help but think of when St. Paul says, "We know that in everything God works for good with those who love him, who are called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28  While by no means is sex trafficking GOOD... neither is her daughter being kidnapped... but God brings good out of every instance. By her daughter being kidnapped, Susana used it for good and has freed all those hundreds of women who also have moms, dads, brothers, sisters, best friends, possibly children.... they have lives. And Susana has become an instrument of peace by putting her life in danger and helping them.

Her daughter is still out there somewhere and Susana does not give up, just like our Heavenly Father never gives up on us.  No matter where we are, what we do, who we are, He is on a constant search for us and our total surrender to His love and mercy.  The best part of God is that He waits.... He waits for us... at the same time, He desires us more than what we know.

picture from MSN.com

For more information on her story: http://news.msn.com/world/argentine-mom-rescues-100s-of-sex-slaves-but-cant-find-daughter

It Feels Like Home

I found it funny that this was in my inbox this morning... I found it even funnier that I watched it considering I usually don't have time to do so.  The humor in it is because I have been praying and discerning about where my "home" is.

We all have dreams we dream about, whether it be to win the lottery, to have a great job, to get out of debt, to just be happy, to get married, or to just be home. What is home anyways? I personally don't think it is the place you sleep, I believe it is, as the old phrase says, where your heart is. So where is your home? Is it at work? Family? Church? Friends? Community? Is it split between many things? Or is it rooted in Christ from where all other things flow? (Matthew 6:33)

A Unique Way of Learning Patience

Here are L'Arche, we have prayer each night with the core members. At our specific L'Arche community, Irenicon near Boston, we have four houses and each house has prayer at their own home with the assistants and core members in them.  I live at Assisi house with 4 core members, 2 live-in, 1 live-off assistant, and the founding member. At each home prayer is very unique, just like the core members and the people themselves who are praying, and yet the foundation is the same: we are all crying out to a God who loves us, adores us and is hearing our plea.

At Assisi house the nightly prayer routine is basically as follows: opening song from a CD, Chris picks a short verse from a children's book by Jean Vanier, Phil "reads" from it and says a prayer, Deb reads the prayer petitions and we all add our own petitions, then we gather in a circle around the candle and pray the Our Father. You may read this and say to yourself, wonderful, you pray, that's great. Why share every detail? Well, it is in one of those "details" where I have been learning a great deal of patience!! If we are truly open to the Lord and what He has to teach us, and if we truly surrender our WHOLE lives to Him, and we listen EVERY moment, then we can grow in ways we would never imagine. 

When it's time to say our petitions there is a core member who goes on and on for what can feel like 10 minutes naming every person he has ever known and people who are very close to him. He prays for situations that is going on in life at the time, things that happened over 10 years ago, etc. To make it even longer, he has slight alzeimer's so he forgets where he was and names things all over again. When I was first introduced to this "practice" at Assisi, some other assistants would just get up in the middle of his list and form the cirle for the Our Father and so I got up also and we began the prayer. I didn't think anything of it. But this past weekend it was just him, another core member and myself. We began prayer then the petitions and I had an urge inside to let him keep going as long as he needed. I listened and prayed with him in my heart. I heard things I never heard him say before and never knew he had in his mind. I never knew he actually cared for these things or people. This little down syndrome man I love so dearly who gets rushed so often ... if we just sit and listen long enough we get to hear the deepest part of his heart where he keeps the most sincere prayers.

St. Padre Pio once said, "Pray, hope and don't worry." I feel like our core members live this out so well, if we let them. Sometimes we push them too much. When we let them be at peace and pray and connect with the God who loves them soooo much, we are letting them do what they were created to do: be children of God.

Becoming a Child...

"At that time the disciples approached Jesus and said, “Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” He called a child over, placed it in their midst, and said, “Amen, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven."

Matthew 18:1-4

Living in the society today, the definition of that phrase "become like children" seems so off. It has been twisted, ripped apart and blended to mean something it is not. We look at the "average" child's personality is and think THIS is what Christ is calling me to be like? This obnoxious, tantrum throwing, yelling, prideful, not caring, selfish, messy kid??? Right. Become like children... what is He thinking?

But that is not what he means. It's at moments like this, when we see a video like this young boy singing his heart out to God, tears welling in his eyes because of the overflowing love He has for his Savior and that he has the privilege to sing for His God on stage, not just once, but numerous times, including duets. This boy humbled himself, not caring if he would be made fun of at school, not caring about being bullied, instead put faith first. THAT is the true definition of becoming like a child. Putting ALLL faith and trust in Christ. That is the child of God I want to be. Raising my arms up to my Heavenly Father and saying, "Daddy, I love you. Thank you for all you have given me. Help me give it back to you through any means I can."